Interlude I: Selcouth

this is a remembrance dialogue.
never forget, never regret.
this is a fine dedication.
all your friends, all your family,
they love you.
no apologies necessary.
gratitude is not obligatory.
this is a remembrance dialogue.

Act V: Two Ways; Highway and Bike Path

pictures are worth a thousand words.
my way is through silence.
i'm still getting used to this home,
and what's worse is that i still feel like i'm catching up.
i'm still the new guy.
no release has taken that phantasm away.
that i will wake up, on my old couch.
3 p.m. after working all night.
living a life i loathe entirely.
everything i've done,
everyone i've met,
will be gone in the matter of one single night.
hearts would be broken, tears would be shed.
but no one would remember a thing.
no one would remember me.
i mean, sometimes things just happen,
and we're all so helpless.
life is so fragile, so precious.
we're all so helpless,
and we can't do anything.

a picture is worth a thousand words,
memories trapped in a moment.
have you shut me out?
probably not.
did you make the effort?
probably not.
i've been trying very hard lately.
withholding my grudges, drowning my fears,
but recently, my fears have grown water wings.
they lurk in the depths.
oh they're there, but refuse to expose themselves.
i wonder when they will.
i wonder if they'll drag me down.
i feel so helpless.
happiness is contagious, but dangerous.
i feel so helpless,
and i can't do anything.

our pictures are worth thousands of words.
we all remain speechless.
all egos aside, where will we lie?
the snow is coming,
the flakes all a flurry,
as they melt against our skin,
where will we lie?
when will it start?
where will it end?
we all live in glass houses,
with an endless supply of stones.
it's such a cliche.
some say a relationship is a two way street.
lately it's become more of a highway and a bike path.
the shoelace express, i've been at this for miles.
certain roads were formed to lead us in specific directions.
we crossed at some point, only to be led astray again.
but with you two, we're all going in circles.
it's been said before, a circle will remain as such.
i am my own killing moon,
and in the end, we're all not so helpless.
our hearts are delicate, heads are strong.
we're all not so helpless.
we can do anything.

Act IV: Amber Drips on This Serapis Nightmare

my dreams have been set ablaze lately.
on this bed made of stones, my mind rests in shambles.
thoughts overwhelm my unsteady hand.
even as i'm typing, it quakes at the touch of keys.
shaking down to my core,
i do not know the urgency of the magnitude beneath the seas.
i'm in too deep to feel those burning coals,
where my minds rests wearily,
and the tectonics urge me to wander.

where my feet lead me is another matter entirely.
enticing nightly dreams of you.
where the sun meets the horizon at the end of this day.
the light drips onto the page, spilling over our curses and gifts.
this story of how a lion fell for a fox,
and the fox follows suit of the lion.
have you ever known beauty such as this?
i don't know.

life is spinning me around in circles.
i leave one to jump right into another.
what's worse is that i can't even trust the air with my secrets.
the wind is blowing against grains.
it's drawing nearer.
delicately grazing your hair,
as if you were near.
or if you were here.
maybe you never even left.
waiting for him, or for me.
i'm not sure.

all i know is that the feelings come and go.
it never used to be like this.
i never had to try so hard to draw joy from common gifts.
that's what they are. gifts.
you never need them, but they're here now.
advantages should never just be taken.
maybe that's why they call it the present.

such a paradox, isn't it?

Act III: Cuidado; Accountability Won't Be Held

you have been warned upon reading this.
i am no going to be held responsible for how you may feel after reading this.
you have been warned.

i'm a mess. that's the best way to describe it.
but you know, who isn't anymore.
some of us are just a bit more organized than the rest.

you deserve so much better.
you are so beautiful, you know that?
don't force yourself to lose weight.
there is already copious amounts of stress on your shoulders.
if i could help sustain the weight, i would choose to do so, in a single breath.

hang in there.

you have so much love to give to her.
you don't even know how to express it.
i'm glad you're making the effort for once,
but you need to hold on with open hands.
please extinguish those insecurities my brother.
for we are nothing without brotherhood,
and brotherhood is nothing without your brothers.

you are such a great person.
involving yourself in so many activities is exhausting.
but you pull it off so well.
i'm actually overcome with jealousy.
and you are very passionate for you believe to be right.
that is something i think everyone can respect.
although you need to stop talking to her.
i know you won't for anyone, but i'm telling you,
man to man,
she tore apart your relationship before.
she will not hesitate to do it again.

choose wisely.

so many guys are after you right now.
i'm sure that can't be too easy.
you are probably the most damaged out of all of us.
i want to help you, but i feel like i can't.
no one can make your decisions for you.
you know what you want.
i sense this. and you know how to get it and retain it.
your head spins like a winding wheel.
to be honest, it's getting way out of hand.

stop being so self-righteous.
you are not always right.
your moments do come though,
and they always shine vibrantly.
you expose your brilliance from time to time.
you just need to maintain that level of selfishness.
cause that has been the center of the blame.

i care about you too much.
you the closest to family i have.
and i love you as a brother.
mark my words, we will get through this.

inebriation and medication is not the only solution.
you are one of my closest friends.
my trust for you surpasses my comprehension.
but unfortunately, so does your ego.
you are experimenting with the wrong variables.
don't you dare drag us down.
you've inspired me in an immense way.
maybe you should follow some of your advice.

i hate you.
you make me come and go,
full fucking circle.
you are more of a presence to me now.
you're more than just a being.
i feel your delicate hands in the rain.
some mornings, i wake up,
and i could swear that you were just playing with my hair.
or rubbing my cheeks.
or singing to me.
anything. like you never left.
and that's why i hate you.
and i hate you, because i am so in love with you.
so irrevocably in love.
i have already accepted all that you have done,
all you will do, and it scares me.
i never knew i could trust anyone this much.
like my heart can actually grow and prosper.
and love.
my heart is stupified, in such a profound fashion.
i love you.

i love you all.
if i had to make one wish,
it would be so we could all be a family again.
i never loved my blood family.
and i know this cause i never cared for them as much as i care about you.
every single one of you.
and although your decisions inflict harm on those involved.
you better never forget that it hurts me just as bad.
and i'd like to think i'm not the only one who feels that way.
but lately, i don't know.

Act II: My Release, My Piece of Peace

my mind thinks too much.
dwelling on past faux paus.
often times, it's not my fault.
always thinking that i should move on.
moving on.
the circle remains a circle.
circles never really make much sense to me.
moving on never really makes sense to me.
how does one move on?
should one move on?
is it even possible?
i don't know anymore.
i'm too tired, too broken, too sore.
i ask you to write to me for a reason.
the ink and paper engages me.
holds my calloused gaze.
books serve the same purpose.
my release. positive.
i'm not lost. just merely wandering.
"not just in stories but the letters in between."
i don't wander often enough.
exorcisms. i will kill of these ghosts.
i will walk on thin ice, to just get to the other side.
i will thaw the coldness, the bitterness of my emotions.
i will waltz with the truth. i will be the lead.
i am gonna get out of this closed off circle.
the circle remains, no more.

Act I: The Tundra Won't Melt for Anyone

often times, i find people walking around the truth.
as if they're doing the waltz, treading ever so delicately.
if i could show you the way, i would.
if i could be the lead, i would.
how else would you learn?
i can only do so much.
and if true love with her is what you yearn,
then take heed.

friendship is most important.
with such a bond comes truth,
honesty, communication, happyness.
happyness. morose.
take the good with the bad my friend.
you never know a good moment,
without every single bad one.
do not ever, ever forget.

then, only with time, does commitment arrive.
commitment is so wonderful.
knowing, that someone, like you have done,
has taken all the good with the bad.
all your flaws, all your qualities.
will stick with you,
like the strongest mold to bind an object to another.
and the foundation of that mold is love.
you know, love, that word that seems to have lost meaning as of late.
but i can assure you that it hasn't.
it never will.
love is everything to some people, like me.
a friend of mine, or ours, has taught me that love wins.
through everything and anything in life, love wins.
love brings you someone to walk with the truth.
someone to do the waltz with,
tread so delicately, foot by foot.
if by fate, they choose to show you the way,
they will.
if by free will, they choose to lead, or be led,
they will.
forever, and always.
and always is valueless.

Intro: Westbound into Familiar Territory.

i have seen wonders beyond measure behind your eyes.
they beckon for my stare, as if i am their saving grace.
a strange essence inside fills my head full of lies.
that very same beckoning isn't for my benefit.
then again, it always feels quite the opposite,
when my unsteady touch traces the lines of your delicate hands.
everything, at least right now, is alright.
i see you, and i take the plunge into the depths of who you are.
drowning the lies, praying they've forgotten how to swim.

i do not know what it is about your eyes that make me feel like i'm in so deep.
but i am, and i have been.
ever since i saw that rain, where you climbed in the truck.
ever since i saw that rain, where you danced in my room.
ever since i saw that rain, that caused us to spin out of control.
ever since i saw that rain, outside of pizza hut.
ever since i saw that rain, when i looked into those beckoning blue eyes.
ever since i saw that rain, when you said you'd be my girl.
ever since i saw that rain, when you told me about that monster.
ever since i saw that rain, when we looked in each other's eyes.
and we fell into love, the real kind, to sound of that rain.
i do not know what it is about that rain that makes me unsure if i'm either coming or going.
but i'm going full circle, and i have been.